2023 Wrap Up

This year has been a pretty big year for me, I have spent this year redoing and crushing the subject I failed last year for my physio degree, then crushing my last full semester of courses. Getting a HD in the last musculoskeletal course made me feel pretty good.

I swam the bondi to bronte, I became my own coach and got stronger at calisthenics training, I started my One Arm Handstand Journey, got better in running a 5k and I traveled around Europe for a month with my partner meeting my Italian family for the first time in 29 years. So over all a pretty good year!

But on a deeper level, I started to see a therapist weekly and discover more about myself, and what is going on internally. I spent a lot of time reflecting on what is wrong internally… moving back home at 25 for a 4 year degree and then having it extend to 5 years has been brutal on my self-esteem, joy, sense of self-value and over self worth. Especially after a career change that was inspire by a “dark night of the soul”. I’m not playing the victim, I choose to do this, but it’s also important to acknowledge it and point out that it’s normal. It’s normal to struggle and feel these things. No matter what you are doing in life.

“What’s wrong with you?” is something that two people said to me this year after exposing a fear or my emotions to them. This made me angry initially, but on reflection I realised that nothing is wrong with me. I’m actually starting to acknowledge parts of myself that I have shut down for years. I stomped on them, bullied them (and probably other people too) when they showed vulnerability.

I find it easy to be brave, courageous, decisive, but one thing I’ve noticed over the last year is that it was always at the cost of another part of me. I don’t think I ever used to be brave for myself, I was always brave inspite of myself. The difference being a dog biting someone because it’s scared as opposed to biting someone because they are attack it’s owner. The action is the same but the intention is very different.

I would almost be traumatising these other parts with my “braveness” (I later found that this was a part of me too). It’s been an interesting journey, the book that catalysed this growth was “No Bad Parts” by Richard Schwartz (Audiobook is the best verison). I think I bought it at about this time last year too, so it’s been bang on a year now. If I could go back to my 18 year old self who was looking at dominating the world and being rich and jacked and a bajillionaire by 28, I would give him this book and let him know that those goals are fine but the journey would be better and you’d make less mistakes if you learnt more about yourself first.

This brings me on the another point of reflection and a change in my mind on the idea of what would you go back and change about your life? I think that I would go back and change a few things. Partly because I want to see how life would be different if I did, but also I think a few less mistakes along the way would actually help the world be a better place.

Now onto the planning bit - What are you going to do in 2024?