I don’t want to Exercise!

There’s a part of you that loves to exercise, that thrives on the energy and excitement it brings. When you’re feeling energized and ready to go, it’s that part that takes the lead—motivated, excited, and eager to move. But sometimes, another part of you steps in and holds you back.

“No, not today. I’m tired. I’ve got an ache. I have somewhere to be in an hour.” It can feel almost impossible to push past these parts and get moving.

We all know that exercise is good for us, but do we realize that movement is even better? To move is to engage with life, while exercise is about training. Don’t confuse the two! Many people have developed an unhealthy relationship with movement because of negative experiences with exercise or sports in their younger years.

These parts of us can hold beliefs like, “I’m not fit, I’m not strong, if I try and fail, I’ll embarrass myself.” Maybe you identify with labels like, “I’m the fat funny person,” or “I’m the skinny healthy person,” or “I’m the ballet/gymnastics person.” These beliefs are often reinforced by teachers, coaches, or peers.

A compliment like, “You’re super flexible!” might feel great at first, but if it’s followed by, “That means you won’t be strong,” or “You’ll get injured easily,” it can stick with you for life. Even a simple remark like, “Wow, your hamstrings are so tight,” can turn into years of feeling like tight hamstrings are part of your identity.

Many of us have read Atomic Habits by James Clear or similar self-help books about discipline. But why don’t they always work? Because they ignore the fact that discipline isn’t our natural state. We aren’t disciplined by nature; we are disciplined by nurture. Over time, we develop an ecosystem of parts within us, each formed to help us avoid emotional pain and fit into our social structures.

These parts are great at protecting us, but sometimes they don’t align with our current environment. The parts you inherited from your parents, for instance, might not fit into your social circle as you get older. Or the parts that help you with your friends may not work well with your parents. As a result, we exile certain parts of ourselves.

I could go on with examples, but the key is this: Everything you’re seeking is already within you. You don’t need to do anything to feel better; you simply need to reconnect with your Self. The Self is Curious, Courageous, Compassionate, Calm, Confident, Creative, Clear, and Connected. If you’re unsure how to access these feelings, I highly recommend reading No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz.

For years, I was addicted to various forms of exercise—skateboarding, soccer, playing guitar. I thought I had found my passion because I did these things all the time! But I now realize they were distractions, helping me avoid things like schoolwork. I had parts of myself that needed help, and they had learned to find comfort in these activities, avoiding more painful things.

I see this in my clients too. There’s often a drive to exercise more or lose weight, coming from a feeling of, “I should be doing this.” But when we look closer, a “should” is often a fair but tough point. For example, “I shouldn’t watch porn, I should have more self-control,” or “I shouldn’t eat sugar, I should choose healthy foods instead.” This kind of thinking often leads to more exiled parts and, consequently, more internal managers or firefighters—parts that now have to manage extreme emotions by enforcing discipline.

All these “shoulds” deny our true desires, wants, and needs. They deny the reality of our existence. You may find yourself wanting two opposing things at once—perfect! Now you’re aware that different parts of you have different needs. Why not talk to them? Ask them, “What are you afraid might happen if I do this?” and then ask the other part the same question.

Listen to what they say, thank them for sharing, and then decide what you want to do. If you feel anxious after making a decision, talk to that anxiety and ask, “What are you afraid might happen if I continue with this?”

I discovered that parts of me wanted to exercise to feel more desirable or better about myself, which ultimately stemmed from a deeper need to feel loved and proud. The irony is that I can feel loved and proud right now if I reconnect with my Self. When I do that, I can make choices from a place of inner calm, regardless of whether I choose option A or B—or both.

If I had simply done A without thinking—driven by a part of me that was seeking validation—I’d be reinforcing the belief that I need to do A to feel proud of myself. That’s a conditional way of living.

This is where I find an intersection between “Manifestation” and “Action.” You truly can feel content while pushing forward, but only if you take the time to acknowledge your feelings and listen to the parts that are trying to protect you. Once they’re heard, you’ve shown them the love, time, and attention you were seeking externally. It’s a closed loop: What you put inside stays inside. How you treat yourself is how you’ll treat others. And at your core, there is always a Self that can’t be touched or hurt.

It’s not easy to do this work. It’s not easy to remain calm and connected, especially when the world today is all about hustling, working harder, and pushing through. But all you need to do is turn inward. With a few tools, like those offered in No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, or even just by practicing self-reflection, you can start reconnecting with your Self today.