Masculine and Feminine? Or Just Human
I learned things about being a man from the men in my life through school, family, environment, and eventually the internet.
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I learned things about being a woman from the women in my life through school, family, environment, and eventually the internet.
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I learned things about being a human from the humans in my life through school, family, environment, and eventually the internet.
I learned how to ‘get on with it’ through my Dad just as much as I learned to relate to myself and talk about my emotions through him.
I learned how to be kind and share through my Mum just as much as I learned to explode, yell and scream at people who don’t listen to me.
I learned how to set boundaries through explosive bursts of anger and frustration through my Dad as well as how to make handmade pasta.
I learned what being shamed felt like through my mother as well as extraordinary sacrifices of time and resources.
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I learned a lot of things from both parents. I learned about anger and love from both of my parents, I didn’t learn any masculine qualities from Dad that weren’t in Mum, and vice versa. I use to read all of the books about masculinity because I didn’t want to be a weak male, I’m not sure where this idea came from but I think it came from the competitive nature of my school environment and friends, and eventually Elliot Hulse on youtube. It probably also came from my desire to find a female partner, and I had this idea in my head that I wasn’t good enough. I had to lift weights, meditate, be financially successful and be in control of my emotions just to name a few things.
However, what I started to find was the more I read and tried to be an “good” male, the more I disconnected from my male peers because they weren’t “good” enough. I took on a large burden of trying to figure out what is wrong with society for the next 10 years. But now I realise I was trying to figure out what was wrong with myself, and now I also realise that there is nothing wrong with myself. There’s just a lot of parts that I have ignored or trired to get rid of for a long time.
We all have parts inside of us that are naturally joyful, adventurous, curious and due to simply being in this world, these parts pick up insults and beliefs (burdens) that take them away from their natural states and give them new jobs, that they don’t want, of trying to protect us.
I actually think the polarisation of the masculine and feminine is a big part of the problem. Within each of us there is both, they can’t be separated and they most certainly cannot be developed by chopping wood or sewing a jumper.
I think you have to move to be healthy, I think you have to get to know yourself and your parts in order to be happy. I think both of these processes involve educare (Latin for bringing out what is within) and unfortunately education has been far removed from this, and it is only after school education that you spend the next lifetime on educare.
For any young males who are trying to be Alpha males or even just genuinely good males, and are trying to do practices that facilitate your masculinity, I believe whole heartedly that you should focus on figuring yourself out, get to know the multitude of parts inside, and start to realise that you aren’t deficient. You don’t need to grow your biceps to get noticed you need to grow you capacity to be with yourself through all of the gross and uncomfortable feelings. If it helps, it is the old tales of Narcissus and Hercules.
The tales of Hercules and Narcissus from Greek mythology provide contrasting insights into ancient views on heroism, aesthetics, and personal qualities. Hercules, known for his extraordinary strength and heroic endeavors, underwent rigorous training and faced a series of challenging labours as part of his penance. These labours were not just physical challenges but also tests of his resilience, intelligence, and virtue, highlighting the ancient belief in the development of character and physical prowess through adversity and effort.
On the other hand, Narcissus, famous for his unmatched beauty, represents a starkly different approach to aesthetics. His story emphasizes the dangers of vanity and self-obsession. Unlike Hercules, who worked hard to develop his abilities and achieve greatness, Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection, leading to his demise. His tale serves as a cautionary metaphor about the importance of looking beyond oneself and the superficiality of physical appearance alone.
Thus, while Hercules' story is a testament to the virtues of hard work, courage, and self-improvement, Narcissus' narrative warns against the pitfalls of narcissism and the neglect of deeper qualities. These stories reflect the complex Greek views on beauty, strength, and moral character, illustrating how these ideals were thought to shape one's destiny.
Now it might be easy to look at these two examples and be inspired to be Hercules because he’s a good role model. But I invite you to think like this instead
Greek mythology, like many mythological and religious narratives, can be interpreted as a reflection of the human psyche and its various facets, similar to the concept of Internal Family Systems (IFS). IFS is a psychotherapeutic model developed by Richard C. Schwartz in the 1980s, which posits that the mind is made up of multiple sub-personalities or “parts,” each with its own viewpoint and qualities. These parts are categorized into three types: exiles, managers, and firefighters, with each playing a role in coping with the psychological impact of life experiences, especially trauma.
The gods, goddesses, heroes, and creatures of Greek mythology can be seen as representing different aspects of human nature, emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, much like the parts in IFS:
Gods and Goddesses as Archetypes: Each deity embodies specific human traits, emotions, and behaviors. For example, Zeus could represent authority and power, Aphrodite the aspect of love and beauty, Ares the part connected to aggression and war, and Athena could be seen as the part related to wisdom and strategy. These deities reflect the diverse inner parts of an individual, from the protective and managing aspects to those that carry creativity, love, and wisdom.
Heroes and Their Journeys: The stories of heroes such as Hercules, Odysseus, and Perseus can symbolize the internal battles, growth, and integration processes individuals go through. Their quests, challenges, and transformations can represent the inner journey of healing, self-discovery, and the struggle to balance different parts of oneself.
Mythical Creatures and Challenges: Creatures like the Minotaur or the Sirens can be interpreted as the embodiment of internal conflicts, fears, or traumatic experiences that the “parts” in IFS try to manage or protect the self from. These stories often illustrate the confrontation with and integration of these difficult aspects of oneself.
Themes of Transformation and Integration: Many myths focus on themes of death, rebirth, and transformation, which can mirror the therapeutic process of acknowledging, understanding, and integrating various parts of oneself to achieve a sense of wholeness and balance.
While Greek mythology wasn’t designed with modern psychological theories in mind, its rich narratives and characters offer a symbolic language that resonates with the human experience of internal complexity. The parallels between mythological characters and the parts described in IFS highlight how ancient stories continue to provide meaningful insights into human psychology and the universal quest for understanding oneself.
There’s the beauty of it. We are super complex. We are such a complex rug interwoven of many fibres. It’s impossible to simply ourselves down to our jobs or the things we own, or our biological make up. It’s inspiring, it’s devastating, but at the end of the day we are all we have. So why not fix the relationships inside us first? Oh and find a movement practice too. That’s kinda super important too.